I remember the many times I felt I had finally found the one. The right person for me. I was so certain, and I was so wrong. But if you think of it really, how can you be sure that the person you’re currently with is the right partner for you?
Did you know that when you look at a person, what you are really seeing, is only 0.3 % of who they are? 0.3% is the matter, what is visible, the body, from the outside and the remaining 99.7%, are the less obvious parts, the reactions, thoughts, deepest desires, past, insecurities, childhood traumas, hopes, goals, dreams, and the shadow self.
These 99.7% are the reason behind all our disappointments, heartbreak, and well…breakups!
We only see 0.3% of the representation of someone, nevertheless so many of us make life altering decisions, based on just that.
Looks can change, social situations can flip, bank accounts can dry up, and promises can remain unfulfilled forever. So, What is a constant? What never changes? What can you rely on?
Simple, there is really no constant, but there are safe grounds. These safe spaces, once established, one can start building solid foundations and stable relationships experiencing both happiness, and stability.
Where are those safe grounds, Where is this holy relationship-land?
Surely, that space is in the 99.7%, but where? Our reactions, insecurities, beliefs and mostly… everything about our inner and outer world can change, if we do the work of course, it can change, except for one aspect about us that rarely changes, and that is our value system!
What are the values driving our behaviors? Beliefs can change, with age, experience, environment, but values remain the same. Some people value growth while others value safety, or even change and excitement.
Values are what motivate us in life and drive our decision-making process, from what drink to order, what car to buy, what career to choose, etc. The decisions we take and our reactions are all linked to our value system.
Once you have discovered your values and those of the person, you’re with, you can compare and see where they match and where they don’t.
Do you want to be in a relationship, or do you want to be a couple?
People in a relationship, even when married, are people who simply share moments together, each remains their own person with their own dreams, goals, emotions and hobbies, their relationship is based on sexual intimacy, social engagements, and raising their children together. It is an agreement based on a mutual understanding and personal gain.
People in a couple are different. They are two individuals who share common goals, beliefs, and values.
A common goal or a common belief shared by these two individuals needs to be true and meaningful to both and they both put in the effort to make it happen for one another and for the couple they have formed, as the third entity that is alive and that both created together.
This is where the magic happens! This is when the dynamic between two individuals becomes so strong that it vibrates on more than one dimension creating a ripple effect of abundance and flow.
The holy land!
After matching your values, start looking for a common goal that can bind you two together. Ask about the dreams of your partner, and see if you can help them make their dreams come true, and if their vision of life is compatible with yours. Ask and see if they are willing to make your dreams come true, and most importantly, look deeper and see if their actions match with their words?
One of the most beautiful experiences you can live is the experience of being in a couple,
Few are the people who have experienced it, and not because it is rare, but simply because, few are ready show up for another, both vulnerable and responsible. Quite a difficult combination.
“We have figured out life on this planet, but we remain a mystery to ourselves” - Rosa Maria Kallas
Every moment is a new possibility,